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Don't Go Throwing Roses In My Grave

by Gregor Barnett

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1.
Feelin’ like the color of Monday Like a deer on the side of the highway Like a love letter, returned to sender A phone number you can’t remember Oh Lord, what do you know? Is it too late to save my soul? Show me a sign, throw me a bone Oh Lord, what do you know? Feelin’ like a penny on a railroad track Like a runaway train that ain’t ever coming back Like a prayer unanswered, a song unsung A foreign language spoken by no one Like a 58’er in a Soviet Gulag Penning a posthumous epilogue Like the tears of the Komsomol girl Lost in a collective world Like a Patriarch Ponds decapitation Like a stray dog strapped in a spaceship With nowhere to run, nowhere to go Oh Lord, what do you know?
2.
Listening to Coast to Coast On a late night drive through Ohio Wondering what the government knows About crash-landed UFOs My eyes gazed for an unknown distance Commiserating human existence Am I the only pebble on the beach The undertow is dragging out to sea? Oh, and flies smash Into the grill of my subcompact From Bowling Green to the edge of the world We are not alone, except when we’re alone Driving through the night And then static overthrows the station It’s a total loss of communication May the chemistry of stars guide me home Back to my ancestral unknown I imagine conversation passing a cemetery “As you are now, so once were we” Life’s a Joycean sentence The pub clock is five minutes fast One day life is gonna close my tab On everything I never got to see Driving through the night
3.
Mr. Ramirez was older than time Half drunk, half blind I used to help him around the house sometimes He paid me in quarters, nickels, and dimes We were neighbors in a past life We were closer than I realized 911, I dialed the call You were the first dead body I ever saw I knocked forever on your front door, Then used the key under the mat My intuition had a premonition Calling your name, you didn’t call back Should’ve prepared going up the stairs For what I’d find behind your door You lying in bed with your eyes open You were the first dead body I ever saw Then I collapsed against the wall I couldn’t breathe I was just a kid, barely 13 I saw how it ends, life’s fatal flaw You were the first dead body I ever saw On your porch, I waited and wept Unsure of what comes next The coroner came, Mom called me home No one ever laid a tombstone It still haunts the house of my mind Even after all this time You lying in bed with your eyes open You were the first dead body I ever saw
4.
Panic divides petrified minds As I stare through the slotted blinds Between finger and thumb, I search for someone ‘Cause I heard a noise in the night Was it leaves in the breeze Or crucified thieves Or was it the secret police? Who’s trying to mess with me? A weary world leans on its crutch Walking down Main Street all boarded up Line up for liquor, need to feel numb Woke up this morning wanting to buy a gun Something small and discreet, Something I can tuck in my jeans When I go out in the streets The finite future is choosing the losers So who is it gonna be? You or me? I got no peace of mind to rest Breaking bread with your empty chair My superstitious side is saying prayers Oh, depression’s a deadly weapon I wish I could believe in the clouds of heaven ‘Cause then I’d know you’re okay And I’d no longer have to worry If the ground is cold at night Or if the grave digger left on a light
5.
I know my way to your new place From the cemetery gates Like the back of my hand Knows the distance to my heartbreak I park the car and I greet your new neighbors I read their epitaphs, I call in favors I brought some flowers and a six-pack of beer Hope you don’t mind if I just talk, drink, and sit here Feels like there’s so much that I can tell ya How the world keeps spinning with or without ya Your New York Mets are a tragedy It was a total shutout at the Subway Series I watched with Mom in the nursing home Told her I’ve been sitting here Talking to your tombstone Well, I’ve been looking for a job but they’re hard to find When you’ve never been the people type But now I’m desperate and my money’s getting tight Most nights it gets so damn dark in my mind But today I went up to the Post Office in town Where me and the mailman chatted in fiction Like, “What would you do with a million dollars? What car would you drive? Where would you live?” Told him I’d move back to Marine Park, Brooklyn Buy back that little home that we were raised in Just to listen to those old walls talk Of you and Mom with heavy New York accents I try my best to not get sad Think of all the good times that made us laugh It’s getting late, I should be getting home It’s been nice sitting here Talking to your tombstone
6.
Lately my life feels just like The eve of a Spanish bullfight Where the Toro Bravo will die tomorrow And the matador will feel no sorrow Lately I’ve been feeling like The slayer and the slain Don’t go throwing roses in my grave Lately my life feels just like I’ve blown it up with dynamite A quarter stick inside my fist I held it and I lit the wick I tried to blow it out, but couldn’t Now everything has changed Don’t go throwing roses in my grave Oh no, save ‘em for another lover That you wish to lie with Put ‘em in a pretty vase With every petal on display This world I love, but cannot stay Its rules I didn’t make So don’t go throwing roses in my grave Lately my life feels just like A lost-in-orbit satellite Once had a purpose, but now it’s worthless Doomed to float around Earth’s surface And look on down through all the clouds While civilizations wave Don’t go throwing roses in my grave Oh, no! ‘Cause I made a deal with the devil I wore a wire, I gave him names Now that we’re gathered here together, Don’t go throwing roses in my grave Don’t go throwing roses Lately my life feels just like A run-on sentence Run away, run away, run away And don’t go throwing roses in my grave
7.
I was checking in at the night window I was buzzing the bell at purgatory’s hotel But alas, no vacancy Hurry, hurry, hurry me down to Hades A lotus eater, bound by bliss I sank deeper and deeper into the abyss I got so close almost could see Hurry, hurry, hurry me down to Hades A line of cars pulled over to the shoulder Letting my ambulance drive by These paramedics will never take me alive Hurry, hurry, hurry me down to Hades And as my life flashed before my eyes They shocked me once, then they shocked me twice With my last breath I gasped and screamed Hurry, hurry, hurry me down to Hades Hurry me down I’ve spent my whole life just waiting around I’ll never get a halo, never get a crown So hurry me down Heaven forbid I wake up tomorrow With soul trapped in bone and skin I’m banging on the door, devil let me in Hurry, hurry, hurry me down to Hades And I don’t mind sharing a room With a cannibal at The Crossed Harpoons Odysseus’s ship is just passing through Hurry, hurry, hurry me down to Hades
8.
Oh, my soul is swooning slowly To the tempo of you only So I’m gonna write an anthem for the one I love It’ll get ‘em up out of the seats And onto the dance floor A special kind of song That you save for the encore It’s gonna be a cruel emotion For the lonely kind That like to tear their hearts out With their own knives It’s gonna make you know The way I feel inside Somewhere in a foreign land They’ll decipher the words Of our love language put into verse They’ll play it on a dive bar jukebox And when it comes on All of the drunks will be arm in arm Even the bartenders will hum along
9.
Your heart’s been beating through your chest In a war your body hasn’t declared yet It’s been in conflict a long time We just don’t call it what it is You dyed your hair and you slicked it back Always trying to get yourself back on the right track Moving every couple years To a new city, a new state But you always find your way back here Between a rock and a hard place Sunday dinner at your parents’ house You were all hyped up on some unknown kind of speed Your father gave his old lecture You fought defensively You ran out of patience and you asked me for a ride Grabbed a duffle bag and raced off into the night Sayin’, “This time it’s gonna be different, man I got connections up in Michigan I just gotta find a way outta here before shit gets weird” At a Greyhound Station Waiting on a way out of town Desperation knows no bounds On the drive out you were silent You drank a tall boy from a brown paper bag We listened to the game on the radio And stared endlessly out the window We weren’t bound by surname or blood But life found a way of making brothers out of us “Thanks for the ride, see you soon my friend” Yeah, that was the last I ever heard from him And then I watched you disappear In a rearview mirror
10.
Hung up on wood-paneled walls Were pictures of the family taken at the mall And a crucifix and some wedding photos Outside the window, a view of The Poconos When I was a guest in your house Oh, we never took sides, we loved them the same After Mom and Dad went their separate ways Now we’re living here, but it’s only temporary In this small guest bedroom that we’re all sharing When I was a guest in your house Where The Price is Right was on the TV Grandma’s in the kitchen cleaning My grandfather straightens his tie Mama’s working late tonight Bobby’s in the bedroom sleeping I’m in the living room kneeling In front of the TV with Bob Barker on the screen When I was a guest in your house Me and Great Uncle Billy in his old age Were watching black and white movies with John Wayne Between his fingers, always a cigarette We passed the time with paint by number sets When I was a guest in your house But then one day he passed away, I was told The funeral, I wasn’t old enough to go But every time I drive down our old road I swear to God I am 10 years old He’s puffing on a pack of Marlboros Dialing in that old time radio Sayin’, “Boys, they don’t sing it like they used to!” Then I try to impersonate Elvis When I was a guest in your house Where the nighttime news was on the TV We’re waiting on the lottery My grandfather clenches his ticket Says, “Maybe tonight we’ll win it” Grandma’s sippin’ scotch and soda Sayin’, “Boys, don’t get your hopes up” But we’ll never quit dreaming big No matter how damn foolish When I was a guest in your house Just hoping things would work out When I was a guest in your house

credits

released February 18, 2022

All songs written by
Gregor Barnett (ASCAP)

Guitar, Vocals, Harmonica,
Keys: Gregor Barnett
Bass: Eric Keen
Drums: Will Yip
Percussion: Joe Godino

Recorded March 2021 at Studio 4 in Conshohocken, Pennsylvania

Produced, Engineered, Mixed and Mastered by Will Yip
Additional Mixing by Vince Ratti
Assistant Engineering by Justin Bartlett

Cover photo: Tabarnak by Tom May
Back cover photo: Aries by Tom May
Gatefold photo: Lower East Side, June 2021 by Sarah Keen
Layout by Eric Keen

GREGORBARNETT.COM

Management: Tim Zahodski for Better Artists
Booking North and South America:
Phil Battiato for Sound Talent Group
Booking UK, Europe, Rest of World: Tom Taaffe
for Paradigm Talent Agency
Legal: Bryan K. Christner
Publicity: Epitaph

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Gregor Barnett Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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